Ass Hole Advice

By: @henn_griffey

Why men cheat?

Three words that women across the world have struggled to answer since the beginning of time.

I can’t and won’t answer that question for two reasons.

  1. I’m an official wholesome member of the  #LawrenceHive, and we don’t cheat.
  2. That would be a direct violation of Man Law HD.305.10A

But what I can do is give you ladies that one, crucial piece of advice that is almost guaranteed to ensure your Man Crush Everyday will be as committed to you as AmeriKKKa is to systemic racism. But that’s a topic for another day.

This is one epidemic Black Girl Magic won’t be able to solve. To crack this case, it will take hours upon hours of dedication. To “keep ya man” as they say, there’s one skill you must master. And believe it or not, the answer has been right in front of you the entire time.

All you have to do is become your boo thang’s barber.

I mean sure you probably already know how to sew in some Dream Weaver or give your line sister’s faux locs in just one hour.

But can you give a brotha a number one and fade the sides?

If your answer is no, then hop on YouTube or enroll in barber school ASAP.

I don’t know if you heard this before, but us men don’t cheat on our barbers. It’s a proven fact and a Man Law violation. Think I’m lying? I’ve had the same barber since high school. Shoutout to Chaste.

“But you just said y’all are committed to your barber. How would I get my chance?”

Great question. Because if you think your man is going to just LET you cut his hair, then you got another thing coming. First, you have to learn the trade. Obviously. Once you do, you need to find your homegirl with the Amber Rose buzzcut, and line her the fuck up. She should look like Obama on Easter Sunday once you’re finished with her.

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After that, it’s just a matter of patience. Being in the right place, at the right time. Luck is when hard work meets opportunity, and trust there’s going to be an interview, wedding, party, etc.. and your significant other is going to desperately need that good ole haircut. When his barber doesn’t answer, you need to be there ready to strike. Phone in hand. Showing him the pictures of the Ashley and the dark caesar you gave her. Show him the temp fade and part you gave to your coworker Wanda. Then you confidently look him in the eyes and say,

“I got you”.

It’s crunch time now. Game seven of the NBA Finals, your team is down one, and you’re at the free throw line with a chance to win it all.

Your palms sweaty.

Knees weak.

Arms are heavy.

But you only get one shot. Don’t miss this chance to blow. The opportunity to give ya man the signature fade with the Bevel blade only comes once in a lifetime.

You better lose yourself.

#LiveLifeHD

 

Don’t be selfish. Share this advice on your preferred social media platform and let’s work together to help preserve #BlackLove. Also, there are some huge things coming down the pipeline *PAUSE* so be sure to follow us on Instagram (@HennCrediblyDope) and Twitter (@HennCredblyDope) to stay in tune with all things DOPE.

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